


Everything I Need & More

by adia90



Category: Scott Moir/Tessa Virtue - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Friends to Lovers, Mutual Pining, Post-Olympics, Slow Burn, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-28
Updated: 2018-08-28
Packaged: 2019-07-03 15:27:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15821712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adia90/pseuds/adia90
Summary: After Thank You Ilderton and Scott's most talked-about podcast, Tessa struggles to find closure.





	Everything I Need & More

It came to her in fleeting moments. But one day it was glaring.

It was during their Thank You Ilderton event. He was talking intimately to a blonde. A stunning, giggly blonde, in her opinion. Their heads were huddled close together. He had his arm around her waist and they were laughing together. 

Then the podcast with Anastasia was aired, his thoughts were like a punch to the gut. It felt like he was blaming her for the failure of his past relationships. It was for that exact reason she had stayed away from his girlfriends; she didn’t want to be accused as the third person. But no matter how hard she had tried, Kaitlyn Lawes had still unfollowed her on Instagram once they had started working on the comeback. And that, in 2016, was the epitome of a lost friendship.

It was after listening to the podcast that it finally dawned on her that he would never see her as a potential ‘life partner’; his words. Skating partner, sure, 21 years and counting, but even that was coming to an end, according to Scott. But beyond the boundary of platonic business relationship? It was looking more and more unlikely. 

So when Joannie introduced her to a fellow doctor friend, who happened to be an ED physician in Montreal, Tessa agreed to a night out together. Just dinner, trying to get to know each other. Jacob was good looking, with short blonde hair, and a friendly smile.

Dinner was great. She found out that he’s an avid Canadiens fan. Being one of the younger doctors in the department, he didn’t have many off days. Down to earth, and very engaging. Maybe it came with the job description; he’s also a good listener. 

It was never her intention to create a ruckus out of things. She realized that their fans were still rooting for them to be together. Which was doing her heart in. So for dinner, they went to a restaurant a little bit out of town. 

When Scott questioned her of her whereabout during TYCT skate practice the next day, Tessa froze.

“So I went to your place last night.”

She almost stumbled on her toe pick. “I was out.” 

“Dinner?”

“Yep.” 

“That blue shade looked lovely on you.”

Frowning, she finally looked at Scott. His gaze was penetrating.

“Um, thank you? But I’m wearing red?”

“I was talking about the dress you wore last night.”

Her neck flushed. “You saw me?”

“On Instagram. I was tagged, I think?”

She was speechless. After all the efforts to escape scrutiny. “Oh.”

She realized they had both stopped skating. Luckily the rink was fairly empty since both of them were always among the firsts to arrive.

“So, another sponsorship deal, kiddo?” he asked breezily, skating ahead of her.

“Not really.” 

He slowed to a halt. “It was just dinner then.”

Tessa wasn’t sure whether it was a question or a statement. “Yeah. He’s Joannie’s friend.”

“Oh.” 

She just watched him skate away, and shrugged. Well, that went well.

 

* * *

 

“Were you out on a date, dear sister?”

“Hey, Jo-jo. I’m doing swell too. How about you?” she replied dully, tossing her towel into her gym bag.

“Cut the crap, T. Were you or were you not on a date?”

“I kinda was?”

There was silence on the other side.

“You’re sure about this, sissy?” Jordan asked in a soft voice.

“I think so, Jo-jo. The Olympic’s over. We promised no outside distraction til then. Well, I kinda need a distraction now before I drive myself crazy.”

“Well, that’s never a good base for dating but if you’re sure, sissy.” 

More silence. She pulled the dressing room door open and stepped out. “Jacob is a nice guy,” Tessa added. He genuinely is. 

“Do you need a girls’ weekend, T?” asked the ever-concerned sibling.

Tessa smiled. She lucked out in the sister’s department. “If it’s not too much of a hassle, Jo-jo. I’ll supply the booze.”

“And you’re going to tell me all about Jacob.”

They said goodbye and hung up. She was startled to see Scott waiting for her at the end of the hallway. “What are you still doing here?” 

Scott shrugged. “Waiting for you. Lunch?”

“I thought you had that thing with Mark?” Mark was his financial advisor. She was really proud of him, putting his hard-earned income to good use.

“Nah. We rescheduled to next week. I’m craving for some bibimbap.”

She smiled. Bibimbap did sound good. “I’ll meet you there.”

“Why don’t I drive. We’ll pick up your car later. I don’t think the parking situation is favourable at this time.”

The drive to Ganadara was uneventful. They passed the Atwater Market and Tessa reminded herself to fill up her fridge for the week. Now they are not training anymore she had a freer hand in choosing her meal. Before, everything was regimented. She looked forward to trying her hand at simple cooking, being a Hello Fresh ambassador and all. 

They stepped into the restaurant and were immediately ushered to an available table. She was aware of Scott’s hand resting gently at the base of her spine. While it might be something she’s used to, the sparks still got to her every single time. She needed to remind herself, while they were lucky to create chemistry on ice, she shouldn’t force it off ice. 

“Hey, I saw the trailer to MI6 the other day. Let’s go and watch it this Friday.”

Tessa looked up from her dolsot bibimbap. As a rule, they had never gone to movies together. Not after 2013. “Oh. I have a thing Friday.”

She watched as his jaw tightened. “With Jacob?”

He had heard her on the phone with Jordan. She didn’t recall mentioning Jacob’s name to him. “No. With Jordan.”

His jaw slackened just a tad. “Saturday then?”

She pondered for awhile. Surprised by the movie invitation. Sure, they had gone out together before. To lunches and dinners. With friends, mostly. But never to movies together. Maybe he’s trying to let loose before going on tour again. “Okay.”

“Lunch before?” 

She smiled. Lunch with Scott is easy. “Sure.”

 

* * *

 

 

She was having a short water break. Scott was goofing off with a junior skater. She smiled wistfully. He is always good with the kids. Taking a look at her phone, Tessa laughed at the photo sent by Jacob. It was of him taking a nap on a gurney.

_Sometimes I question my life decisions. J._

_Long shift? T_

_I got the pit for the entire week and I can barely function. I don’t think I remember how breakfast tastes like. J_

Tessa bit her lip. Why not throw caution to the wind? _What time are you done with your shift? T_

_I’m usually done by 7. Why? Are you offering breakfast? ;) J_

_Well, I can bring coffee and breakfast and have a camp out in the parking lot. We start at 9 tomorrow. T_

It didn’t take long for Jacob to reply. _It’s a date! I’ll see you tomorrow morning? I need to catch my beauty sleep if I want to properly function and not kill anyone._

“Something amusing, kiddo? Who are you texting? Is it about Poppy?”

Tessa looked up from her phone, startled. “Oh. No, I’m texting a friend.”

Scott’s smile froze. His eyes fell on her hand wrapped around her phone. “Did you lose your ring?” 

She looked down on her left middle finger. “No. I think I kind of outgrew the design.” 

It took awhile for Scott to respond. “That is going to break the internet. The fans are going to start speculating about what happened to your ring,” he joked.

Like when you removed our ring a few years back? She had no idea what the ring symbolized when he had first gifted them to her. He had worn it for a few months before taking it off right when he got back with Jessica. She thought. “I’m sure they’ll be over it soon,” she replied listlessly. 

“I’m thinking of movie dinner tonight. Wanna join me? I’ll cook,” Scott offered, giving her a wide smile. “It’ll be my special meatball sauce.”

Tessa felt her own grin widening. “How can I resist. Do I need to bring anything?”

Scott rolled his eyes. “Just yourself, Tess.”

That night, she arrived early at Scott’s. She knows it took some time to prep dinner, and she had full intention to help him. “Sous chef reporting for duty.”

Scott looked up from the stove. She had helped herself and entered with her keys. He gave her a once over and flashed her an appreciative smile. “The cutest sous chef out there, I reckon.”

Tessa rolled her eyes, smiling. “You’re the one making dinner, how is it you’re the one buttering me up?”

“Just in case if my recipe goes bust. Been awhile since I made my award-winning meatballs.”

“I’m sure it’ll turn out fine, Scott. Now, what can I do to help?”

“Can you help me dice some garlics? They are going into the butter spread.”

She made a fistpump. “Yay! Garlic breaths for the win!”

Laughing, Scott gestured to the cloves of garlic in a paperbag and they resumed working together side by side. Then it was time to put the meatballs into the sauce.

“You wanna do the honor, T?”

Tessa bit her lip. “How likely do you think am I going to drop these babies into the sauce and make it splatter all over your kitchen?”

Scott pretended to think for awhile before nodding. “14/10.” He laughed. “Let me help you.”

Tessa stationed herself next to the stove, fully expecting to be handed the plate containing the meatballs by Scott. Instead, she felt him caging her from behind, and the plate appearing in front of her. “Take the tongs and drop them slowly into the sauce,” he spoke softly into her ear.

Tessa shivered. While it might be normal for Scott to be pressed up closely to her on ice, off ice is a different story. She obliged wordlessly, careful to avoid from moving too much. She could smell his cologne. He smelled of the ocean and the blue sky, which was addicting as always.

Once all the meatballs were transferred into the pot, Scott placed the plate on the counter and bent down to plant a kiss on her temple. “Good job, kiddo,” he said, turning on his feet to fetch the cover. 

The rest of the activities in the kitchen passed by uneventfully. She pushed the incident in the kitchen under the ‘affectionate Scott’ category and moved on with life. They plated their dinner and brought them to the living room, where Scott had his Netflix account logged in.

“Suits?”

She nodded, falling ceremoniously onto his couch. “Suits it is.”

Two episodes in, Tessa stretched her legs and yawned. 9.34. “I need to get back. It’s late.” 

“Hey, stay. I just made the guest bedroom. I’ll make your favorite for breakfast tomorrow,” he said, tilting his head to the side.

She bit her lip. “I have a thing tomorrow morning.”

Scott leaned back against his couch. “Yeah.” He averted his gaze.

“Thank you for dinner, kiddo.” She shrugged her jacket on and tossed her scarf around her neck carelessly. “You don’t have to walk me to the door.”

Scott smiled. He took a step closer to her, reaching for the ends of her scarf. Wordlessly, he tucked them gently around her neck, before pulling her in for a _hug_. The kind that lasted the polite two seconds. Tessa was speechless. A _hug_ had been awhile. As a rule, they only hugged before skating. Or a really long goodbye.

Not before going back to each other’s apartment with the guarantee of seeing each other again the next day.

He dropped a kiss at the crown of her head before pulling away. “Text me when you’re home, yeah?”

Another filed away into ‘affectionate Scott’ category.

 

* * *

 

 

Scott has always been affectionate. The outgoing Moir boy likes to spread his warmth throughout the rink and anybody within vicinity. He’s a hugger, a people pleaser.

People always assume he’s the most affectionate with her, since she is his partner and most of their photoshoots had portrayed what the photographers had wanted the world to see. A couple of ice dancing king and queen, out to dominate the world with their exuberance and warmth, complete with a romantic back story.

But it wasn’t like that. Not most of the time.

Back in Canton, post Vancouver, the hype was still there, and their agents insisted on the multiple photoshoots where they were dressed like high school sweethearts in matching letterman jackets, with her hanging over his arm. Or in a cocktail dress with him in a smart suit, also with her hanging off his arm.

But what took the cake was the bridal shoot. She was torn. He was with Cassandra at the time, and the last thing she had wanted was to portray the bride to his groom. It felt like cultivating the bacteria in the illness of her fantasy. She had wanted to say no. She knew he had wanted to say no, but he was too polite and too nice to say no to anybody.

The photoshoots, the TV series, the intimacy faked in front of the cameras had made her brave. So brave then when they skated to a halt in Sochi, she had whispered into his ear, how in love with him she was, which he had returned with a smile.

A few days later, he had met Kaitlyn Lawes.

During the comeback, they had promised themselves, they were not going to fall for the publicity crap again. They had departed from their previous agents and chose to self-represent. They both had built quite an empire to stand on their own. Before the Olympics, they had turned down a total of about 15 photoshoots, just agreeing to what was important, like Air Canada, Be The Cheer and Acura. She cringed at the thought of posing in another off-ice romantic realms with him. She didn’t want to go there again. It was too much for her sanity.

The few seconds on ice where she had confessed her love for him was forgotten, and never discussed to this very day. 

Before Pyeongchang, they had existed in a bubble, trying to block out any negative energy from outside. The atmosphere in Gadbois a total one-eighty to Canton, which was such a relief. Her partner was also a total one-eighty compared to pre-Sochi; he started listening better, he was more patient with her, and he was overall, warmer, in a way.

When a request for a second season of Tessa & Scott came their way, they were vehemently against the idea.

They still had their boundaries; after all, they did go five months not speaking to each other before Scotland and China happened. There were times conversations were stilted, but going to Montreal, things were starting to be better.

It got confusing once they were in Pyeongchang. The days leading up to the trip, she did feel he was more demonstrative than normal, hugging her every chance he got, but she had brushed it off to him being sentimental as they were approaching their dateline. It was plenty awkward in the Canada House; once they had run into Kaitlyn (the ex) and her boyfriend.

She had offered them a tentative smile. She was still not too sure where she stood with Kaitlyn. They had hit it off in Scotland, having fun swimming in the cold North Sea, singing off tunes as backups to Miku, the works. She had tried looking at her as an individual, rather the one woman who had taken her place beside Scott Moir, and Tessa had liked her as a person.

She wasn’t aware when they had broken up. They don’t discuss relationships, period. Looking back, maybe they should, in order to sterilize her feelings toward him, maybe discussing him with other women would do the trick.

She had said ‘hi’ first. Kaitlyn had returned her greeting with a small smile. Her boyfriend was good looking, and Tessa heard that he plays for a Norwegian ice hockey team. Scott was handsome too, and charming as a plus, and he had wanted to play hockey before eventually relenting to ice dancing. To a fate that was tied to her. 

She wasn’t sure, maybe it was the testosterone, or was it the old memories haunting them, but she didn’t appreciate Scott’s arm tightening around her waist at the time. What was he trying to prove? To whom? All she had been thinking was she had just wanted to disappear. She was nobody’s pawn in any jealousy game.

Yes, she was aware of how affectionate Scott could be. And like the past 21 years, she knew it amounted to nothing and she shouldn’t overthink all of his actions. Because in the end, she wouldn’t be his ultimate choice.

 

* * *

 

 

“Maybe that’s what you need to do,” Jordan announced once the credit for ‘To The Boys I’ve Loved Before’ started rolling.

Tessa frowned. They were decidedly tipsy but definitely not drunk. She couldn’t afford a headache at this age. “What do you mean?”

“Write a love letter to every single boy that you have ever loved.”

She laughed. She couldn’t believe they had spent their Friday night watching a young adult movie. But it was there on the home page of Netflix, so there it went on the big screen. “Yeah, the list is going to be pretty short and pathetic.”

“On the contrary, sissy. I always admire your steadfast loyalty to your job, and also, uh, passion for a certain someone,” Jordan replied, smiling.

Tessa rolled her eyes. “Passion is putting it a bit too strong.”

“What do you call loving someone unconditionally for twenty years despite not being their mother?” Jordan said, quoting Shakira.

“Not unconditionally. He’s not perfect. And besides, he’s not the only boy I’ve ever loved.”

Jordan raised an eyebrow. “He’s not?”

Tessa tapped her pillow, thinking. “Okay, maybe I was a teeny tiny bit in love with Fedor. Everybody had the impression of him being an asshole, well, he was, but he was really good to me. He didn’t give me shit for messing up my routines, he was good at boosting my self-esteem. I think he kinda knew about my whatever for Scott, but he was cool about it anyway. In the end, I ended up somehow respecting him for being present while not being territorial. He was perfect for my 18 year-old self.”

“Along the way, I learned that with every boy I was with, I had tried my best to conform to them. Scott included. Despite never ever being with him romantically. I tried to change my routine to please them. My thoughts. My hair color. I think I’m kind of done changing myself. I’m 29 for goodness sake. It gets tiring.”

“Is that why you agreed to going out with Jacob?” 

Tessa shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe. I just feel like I need to step out of my comfort zone. Date somebody ‘normal’. Develop real feelings without having 20 years of back history. I want to feel the tingling sensation without feeling resentful or regret. I need tabula rasa,” Tessa finished, exhaling loudly.

Jordan was stunned. “Do you resent Scottie, sissy?” she asked quietly.

She swirled the remaining wine in her tumbler. Serious adult conversations happen with tumblers in between, not pretentious stemmed glasses. “If I were honest, yes, I do. A little.”

“Is it because of 2009?”

“That and plenty of other reasons. But in the end, they were his life choices. I can’t blame him for his life choices. I can’t make him love me non-platonically. Like how I should choose to stop loving him and move on with my life; I think nobody should blame me if I were to come out with an Instagram post of Jacob and I together tomorrow.”

“Whoa, Tess.” 

“Hypothetically-speaking, Jordan. I’m too much of a chickenshit to do that,” she ended, laughing a little. 

Jordan looked on at her baby sister something akin of sadness.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“How pragmatic you are. Sometimes I just want you to live dangerously and just tell Scott Moir that you love him. What’s the worst that could happen?” 

Tessa smiled at her sister ruefully. “What makes you think I haven’t actually done that?”

 

* * *

 

 

Saturday was confusing. Jacob had called, offering to drop by with lunch, but she had to decline. She was still unsure of Scott’s plan.

Then her phone beeped again at around 11.

_I’ll pick you up in half an hour, kiddo. S_

Apparently, lunch was still on. 

She got up to get ready. She put on her casual Saturday outfit; a pair of old jeans and a burgundy sweater. She paired them up with a pair of white sneakers and tossed her hair into a side pigtail.

She was about to sling her trusty vintage Chanel when the doorbell rang.

Scott Moir cleaned up well in his Saturday getup. A pair of dark-washed jeans and new sneakers, but one thing out of the norm, there was no signs of maple leaf on any of the clothing item. Instead, he had put on a very flattering navy sweater, pulled up at the sleeves which showcased his sinewy arm muscles.

Tessa pursed her lips. “You look nice,” she spoke, almost petulantly. It was unfair how attractive he was.

He smiled. “You deserve effort.” Clearly referring to his maple-leaf-free outfit. “And you look gorgeous, as always.”

She blushed. His sweet words were his side weapon. “Scott.”

“Tessa,” he replied, teasing.

She locked the door behind her. The elevator ride down to the lobby was uneventful. She didn’t want anything to change between them and created an awkward tension, although she bet it was highly unlikely for Scott to guess her inner turmoil. So she treated the situation like any other Saturday.

“Have you gotten the tickets or do you want me to book online?” she asked after buckling herself into the seat.

“Don’t worry, T. I got it covered,” he replied, switching on the radio. He drove them along Saint-Ambroise, passing the Notre-Dame street.

 “Where are we heading for lunch?” she asked, intrigued as Scott had just passed the turning to their favorite restaurant.

“You’ll see,” he answered, all mysterious.

They parked by the roadside near the La Fontaine Park. He gave her a smile before pulling out a basket from the back.

“We’re having a picnic?” she asked, getting nervous.

“Good guess, kiddo.” Sporting a pair of Adidas sunglasses, he grabbed the basket with one hand, and Tessa’s on the other. It was something new; usually they linked hands in jest, not for a casual stroll to the park.

The weather was unseasonably warm for September. The leaves were slowly turning yellow. He picked a shady spot under a tree and laid out the plaid picnic mat. They worked together in silence, smoothing the edges, before sitting down gently on the mat. 

“You don’t have to do all this for me, Scott,” Tessa spoke softly in between bites of chocolate mousse cheese cake. Scott packed all of her favorites, smoked salmon and poached egg bagel, tomato and cucumber salad with feta and chocolate mousse cheese cake.

“We’ve never done this and after 21 years I think I’m seriously lacking in gesture, so yes, I definitely am going to do all these for you,” he replied, smiling gently at her.

She dropped her gaze, feeling confused.

The rest of the picnic passed by quickly. She pointed to a group of teenagers rollerblading and remarked on how it had been years since she last rollerbladed. “Well, we could make a date out of it, kiddo,” he said, pulling her into a side hug.

And further confuse myself? No, thank you, she thought to herself.

In the cinema, she was surprised to learn that he had booked a couple’s seat. Before that, he had presented her with two tickets. Crazy Rich Asians and MI6.

“Why are you wasting money, Scott Patrick Moir?”

“Because I want you to have a choice. I always want you to choose according to your heart’s desire.”

All these talks about choices were making her head spin.

In the end, she chose MI6, because she knew he was dying to see it, and seeing Ethan Hunt was always a treat. 

Of course, it backfired a little, seeing how her heart broke at the thought of Ethan saying goodbye to the love of his life, Julia. The same Julia, who had left him and who had remarried.

How could a goddamn action movie break her heart?

Scott could sense her gloom during the ride back to her place. “Kiddo. I swear you were smiling a few hours ago.” 

He knew her too well. “I’m sorry. I think I’m just tired.”

He took her hand in his and gave a gentle kiss on her knuckle. She felt the tingle and warmth. Fine on ice, very off-character off ice. She didn’t comment on it.

“Are you sad that Ethan and Julia didn’t get their happy ending?”

“Well, it was a different ending but not necessarily an unhappy one. At least Julia has her new husband, and Ethan, well, I’m pretty sure he’s into Ilsa. They can be happy separately,” she remarked. 

Scott pondered on her analysis. “I’m not too sure I like a different ending,” he eventually said quietly.

“Sometimes we can’t choose the ending. We make do with what we’re given,” she argued.

“You’re Tessa Virtue. If anybody could choose their own happy ending, it’s you, kiddo.”

 

* * *

 

 

She had entered the rink earlier feeling good. The simple kiss after breakfast was nice, she felt the tingles in her toes and she appreciated Jacob’s smile against her lips.

It was after lunch and her cheery disposition has dimmed a little. Scott was in a mood where speeches were curt and per necessary. So far they have mucked up two lifts and jacked up a landing. To think they only had two more weeks before the tour.

As a punishment, Sam and Marie-France demanded an extended ice time the next day, starting at the break of dawn since the junior teams are using the ice in the afternoon. Although they were of celebrity status, discipline is of value on ice. And it was beyond them to be demanding; they wanted to set a good example to the juniors.

The next day, Tessa has had enough. She managed to catch up with Scott, who was sitting on the bench inside the men’s changing room. It was not the first time she had to go after him inside a men’s changing room. But it has been quite awhile.

The last trip was after Worlds, after he fell on his back despite skating to a gold medal win.

_“You fell. Big deal. The rest of the dance you earned us the first spot. Quit blaming yourself, Moir,” she had said. “What if I was the one who fell? Would you want me to blame myself?”_

_“No.”_

She had sat down next to him, engulfed him in a hug, and managed to coax a smile out of him.

“What’s wrong, Moir?” she asked from her place next to him.

He kept on his steadfast glare on the floor. “I need some time alone.”

“Tough, because you’re not communicating. We have a tour with sold out tickets in 28 arenas across the country to get ready for but we keep on fucking up. I’m not leaving you alone,” she replied firmly.

“I’ll get better,” he grunted out.

“ _We_ ,” she spoke, firm. “ _We_ will get better. We’re a team. I fucked up too.”

“Yeah? So now it matters to you that we are a team?” he lashed out suddenly, realizing a second too late his outburst and regretting. 

Tessa froze. She narrowed her eyes. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about you! You and your secret! Your secret texts! Your secret trips! You’re not communicating too, Virtue!”

The outburst shook her. He had never raised his voice to her again, not after Sochi. The last time that he did, he was mad at her for voicing her fears about Marina. “Since when do I have to update you about every aspect of my life, Scott? We are both adults, we have lives outside this skating rink! I talk to you about things that are pertinent. I’ve never left you out of any decision making when it comes to our partnership!”

“Is that all I am to you? Just a partner? Your _business_ partner?” 

“That’s not fair. Of course, not, Scott! You’re my best friend too! But recalling your brilliant podcast, you want to have a family. You want to move on. So what, you can want all that and I can’t?!”

“Are we discussing that podcast, finally?” he demanded. He knew she had started pulling away after Thank You Ilderton. But it was more glaring after his podcast with Anastacia was aired. She was in France with Jordan and their mother. When she returned back to Montreal, he didn’t even hear from her, not until their scheduled training at Gadbois for TYCT.

It was confusing. He was used to her keeping him updated. He had anticipated her return, seeing her updates on Instagram about her adventures there without him. It had hurt not to get a call from her directly.

“Honestly, Scott. There’s nothing to discuss. I thought it was pretty clear and concise. I want that too, eventually I want to move on and have a family.”

“And where does that leave me? I meant it differently, but obviously you have other ideas!” he shouted, clearly having had enough.

Tessa looked at him incredulously. “You’re not making any sense! You have your selection of women, but I can’t date? That’s very hypocritical of you! I want to be happy, too!” 

He snapped his head to face her. “I thought I was making you happy?”

Tessa shut up. 

“Am I not making you happy, Tessa?” he reiterated, his hazel eyes blazing.

She sighed. She cupped her forehead and averted her gaze. “It’s not that, Scott. You did mention that we won’t be skating anymore in the future. Sooner or later, you’ll find someone. Like you always did. After Vancouver. After Sochi. And I was happy for you. I really was. But I always felt like I was left behind. It was not your fault. I was too dependent on you. Which wasn’t healthy. I’m working on making myself happy without being dependent on others. I realized I depended too much on you to be happy, and I don’t want that. Do you get it?”

Scott frowned. “Tessa -.” 

“Let me get everything out first before I lose my nerves,” she cut him off, avoiding his gaze. “I love you. But I think this invisible cord I have anchored on you, I need to detach it. It’s not healthy for me…”

Scott looked at her, hurt. “Have you always felt that way, Tessa? Like you are attached to me?”

Tessa inhaled deeply. This was it. She was acknowledging her feelings for her best friend _again_ , but she hoped it might help to move them forward. Move _her_ forward. “I’ve always been in love with you, Scott.” She held up a hand when he started to open his mouth. “Don’t pretend you didn’t hear me back in Sochi. I’m not mad at you for not reciprocating. This attachment, I think, is my own doing. I came to realization, where I need to be realistic about life. We’re in our thirties, yeah? This fantasy needs to stop somewhere.”

“What fantasy are you talking about, Tess?” he asked, exasperated.

“The fantasy in which you love me back.”

 

* * *

 

She fled the arena as quickly as possible. Her phone rang relentlessly, but she chose to ignore it. She had always considered herself brave. Going after her dreams… The two surgeries. But never in her wildest dreams had she imagined confessing her love to her best friend in the dingy changing room of Gadbois. 

A tear trickled down her face. She palmed her forehead, her heart beating a hundred miles a minute. Crap crap crap. She had just put her best friendship on the line and it felt terrible. Approaching thirties and still very awkward about matters of the heart, she scolded herself. 

The University Hospital came into view and soon Jacob’s smiling face greeted her as she stopped her car at the staff parking area. She forced a grin on her face, hoping feverishly her face wasn’t flushed and her eyes weren’t too watery. He really is a handsome guy, she thought. Despite the long hours, he could still maintain a smile and that was really impressive.

“Thank you for meeting me for lunch, Tessa.” 

“You’re welcome. I’m sorry it’s nothing fancy, just Subway and coffee.” 

“What are you talking about? Subway is fine dining in my book. Usually it’s just the cafeteria food,” he joked.

“What a step up, huh? Maybe I’ll bring you some real bento or something next.” 

He flashed her a genuine smile full of gratitude. “I’m sorry, Tess. My company is kinda boring, isn’t it?” 

“You’re out all day saving lives, I take whatever I can get.”

He just stared at her and cupped her chin. “You’re amazing.”

Tessa blushed.

“Have you been crying?”

Her eyes widened. “Urm.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

She looked down on her sandwich. “Maybe another day,” she settled with a gentle smile. She gave the hand that had been cupping her chin a squeeze. 

Jacob nodded in silent. He offered her a gentle smile. “You know, even Olympic gold medalist needs a shoulder to cry on. Although I work crazy hours, you know you can call me anytime.”

“Thank you, Jacob. You’re sweet.”

 

* * *

 

The woman who had waited for a long time had chosen not to wait anymore.

The fact had broken Scott Moir into pieces.

He wasn’t being cocky. He knew Tessa had loved him all along, but he had been thinking how he wasn’t deserving of her yet. He was a naïve young man after Vancouver, choosing to bask in the glory of a gold medalist. Jessica was putting out, therefore he cashed in. He had too much respect for Tessa to jeopardize their relationship by thinking with his dick.

When she had whispered her love for him back in Sochi, he had felt like the luckiest man alive. Only for the feeling to be rebuked, once they learned that they only placed second.

He choked for a bit before clearing his throat. There was no pretext needed with Danny. “Tessa is dating, I think?”

There was silence on the other side, very uncharacteristic of Danny. “Damn, son. You gotta step up your game.”

“I don’t know, Danny. Do I even deserve her? She told me, she wanted to detach from me. That she’s dealing with it.”

Danny sighed. “Not this again, Scott. You’re solid. You’re a total 180 than you were post Sochi. You’ve worked on yourself. You’re good for her, kid. Like she’s the best for you,” he spoke gently, very much aware that his little brother was on the brink of tears. “I thought you’d be banking in during your Ilderton party. What were you thinking?”

Scott cupped his forehead. “There were too many people. I didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable.”

“Yeah. And I think she saw you getting cozy with that blonde chick,” Danny reprimanded.

Scott went blank. “Who?” 

“Dude. You were flirting with that girl for 15 minutes straight. I don’t blame Tessa for throwing in the towel. When was the last time you did something great for her?”

“She was one of the fans, I think. I wasn’t flirting, Danny. I can’t not say nothing when they came all the way to see me and Tess.”

“All I’m saying, you could have toned down the charm, son.”

Scott felt chastised. He knew women find him charming, and he worked it to his advantage. Sometimes he turned on the charm on Tessa too, just fishing for her reaction. During the comeback, it felt like there was an invisible boundary between them.

He flirted, he goaded. He touched her where platonic friends shouldn’t be touching. He wanted to know whether she still felt the same way about him. He loved it when she blushed, in fact, he felt twice the man he was when he managed to elicit a reaction from her. 

“I love her, Danny,” he confessed. “So much. I think I’d die if I have to see her with another man.”

“Then, do something, man. Don’t give up. 21 years doesn’t count for nothing. I know Big Hands, she has stars in her eyes for you.”

“You think so? I’m just, I don’t know, man. She’s everything.”

“Then make sure she knows it, Scott.”

 

* * *

 

“Glympse told me you were at the University Hospital.” 

Tessa gasped. She didn’t think anybody would be sitting in the dark in her apartment.

“Initially I thought that you were in trouble. But when I realized that you’ve been there twice this week, and your signal were static in the parking area for half an hour on both occasion, I figured you should be plenty okay.”

She placed her gym bag by the couch gently. “What are you doing here, Scott? And how did you know about Glympse?”

He sat up with his elbows on his knees, his hair in disarray, a sure sign he had been running his hands in it multiple times.

“I always want to know everything about you, Tess. Your safety is my number one priority. Chiddy told me about the app. I’m not entirely inept at downloading a software. Not when it concerns you.” 

She leaned against the wall. She didn’t dare to step beyond the couch. “Careful, Scott. I’m not too sure what to think about this new development of violating my privacy,” she spoke in hopefully a joking manner.

“It’s nothing new. I’ve been tracking you since after Sochi.”

She was silent.

“Even though we were not talking for months at the time, I always had you as a priority in my mind.”

“Scott…”

“When you asked me if I wanted Pyeongchang, it felt like I won the lottery. What I said wasn’t a mere media feed, Tess. I wanted to be with you.”

Tessa sat cautiously on the couch next to Scott. “Scott, I didn’t come clean to you today expecting any type of explanation. I just wanted you to know that I’m dealing with it,” she explained gently.

He turned his head sideways to face her. His eyes were so sad. Sadder than they were compared to after Sochi. “Are your visits to the University Hospital parking lot your way of dealing with it?” he asked quietly.

“That’s not fair.”

“I know.. you’re on this exciting journey to get to know a new person. Who I hope puts extra effort in getting to know you and appreciating you. I just hope… you give me a fighting chance, yeah? I want to be with you.”

The air felt stifling. “Scott, I don’t know what to say.” 

“You don’t have to say anything, T.”

“I didn’t come clean for you to force your feelings for me, you know,” she said gently, pulling his hands together and squeezing them. “You’re my best friend. I will never put you in a spot, kiddo. I didn’t, four years ago, and I won’t do it now.”

“I’m not forcing anything, Tess. I’ve been in love with you since Mahler.”

 

* * *

 

“You’re a liar.”

Scott swiftly tugged her hands back in his. He tried meeting her eyes. Stormy greens against repentant hazels. “How could you say that? You know me, kiddo. I’ve never lied to you,” he urged.

“Even if it’s true, what reason do I have to be with you?” she replied bluntly.

Scott was speechless. If he was truthful, her words hurt. A lot.

“You made me hope, Scott. And every single time it destroyed me when nothing came out of it. I can’t do that anymore. My heart can only be broken one too many times. It hurts to heal again and again. I’m not ready to go through that anymore.” 

“You kissed me on the ice, when it wasn’t a part of the choreo, and then you turned around and went to others. Not once, Scott. I can’t, for the life of me, forget. How it broke me. How I always didn’t become your choice.”

“Tess, we were competing. We had the Olympics, I couldn’t -.”

“Then we didn’t. And still you left,” she cut in, her eyes accusing.

“I was not in the right mind to be with you, Tessa. Sochi had changed my plans. It was hard knowing I was wrong and it was hard remembering the words I spouted to you after you told me about Marina. I didn’t mean to leave you behind. I just felt like I couldn’t execute my plan about us because of my failure.”

“Kaitlyn was a distraction. I didn’t realize that I kept dragging it on for a year. She was a nice girl and I felt bad. But baby, you were and are always the plan.”

“For a whole year, Tess, I’ve missed you so much, but I couldn’t even begin to tell you. I was the one who pushed you away, so how do I even begin to get you back?”

Tessa tugged her hands away and this time, she managed to break free. “I can’t do this,” she muttered, standing up from the couch. She felt trapped, it’s her own apartment and she had nowhere to run.

“Tess, look at me, baby.” 

She shook her head. She couldn’t digest. She felt like Scott had altered the only truth she had known. “I want you to leave,” she whispered, doing her best to avoid eye contact.

“Tessa…”

“Please,” she begged, and turned on her heels toward the kitchen. A few seconds later, she could hear the front door closing, and she broke down and cried.

 

* * *

 

She switched on her bedside lamp and rubbed her eyes. Patrick’s name was flashing on her phone.

“Chiddy? Don’t you know what time it is?” she groaned.

“Well, I do, but your skating partner aka the love of your life apparently don’t,” Patrick replied dryly.

She sat up a little, slightly more alert. “What do you mean?”

“Jesse from Mackay had called me to pick Scott up. Apparently our champ is two sheets to the wind, solo.” 

She panicked. She threw her blanket to the side, pulling the charger from the phone. “Oh, shit. Let Jesse know I’m coming.”

“Relax, T. I got him,” Patrick replied. “He’s sleeping it off on my couch.” 

She palmed her face, relieved. “Thanks, Chiddy. I owe you.” 

“When are you going to put him out of his misery and be together, T?” 

“Are you serious now?”

“Like a heart attack. You know our boy loves you. Why are you still dating the doctor and giving Scott a hard time?” 

Tessa frowned. “I date who I want to, Patrick. Why are we talking about this?”

“Because every second you’re still with the other guy is killing Scott,” he replied, matter-of-factly.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” she muttered.

“I don’t?”

“No, you don’t,” she replied firmly. “He didn’t choose me. He left me. I am finally okay with that. Why did he pick up now to stir some old shit?”

“No, Tessa. _You_ don’t know what you’re talking about. It wasn’t a matter of choosing you. To him, it was the decision of letting you go be your own person. Sochi brought back the deep-seated insecurity to the surface. He wasn’t in the right frame of mind to be with you, T.”

“You were not there when he broke his knuckle punching a wall after he learned about Semple. You were not there when he was so drunk he almost choked on his own vomit after he saw you and Semple at TIFF. You were not there when Kaitlyn kicked him out of _his_ house because he called your name. I’m sure we don’t have to name the instance in which _that_ happened.”

Tessa leaned back against her bed, stumped. “I don’t want to hear all this, Chiddy,” she begged.

“Tough, because you idiots are so miserable, I’m not sure how we’re going to navigate this tour. You’re putting everything on the line here. I am your friend but I’m telling you now, you both are behaving like assholes,” he scolded.

“You are being unfair.” The beginning of a tear swelled her eyes.

“I’m being honest. I know he had hurt you, but you can’t honestly tell me you can ever love another man as much as you love him. He had to endure living without you and it had almost killed him.”

“I don’t know, Chiddy. I don’t even know what’s truth and what’s false anymore.”

“There’s a ring in his socks dresser, which has been there since you guys first moved to Montreal. How’s that for truths, T?

 

* * *

 

Apologizing and saying goodbye to Jacob was hard. Because she felt like he could give her a whole new adult experience, where there would be no miscommunication, no pining, just straight up mutual love and respect.

But she’s Tessa Virtue, and she craved something epic, that she could feel deep within her bones, and every thought that resonated Scott Moir did exactly just that.

The days after Patrick calling them out were used for contemplation. Scott was more present, and they were amiable. They reconnected, and the magic was again present around them. They managed to work and establish full set routines for their dances together with Sam and Marie-France.

“I can’t wait for my babies to come back after tour and coach with me,” Marie-France enthused, framing Tessa’s face in her palms. “Please take care of yourselves on tour. No more fighting, okay?” She had the gall the wink.

And then she bade them farewell before skating away.

Tessa was stumped. They could never hide anything from her.

“Tessa,” he called out when they were walking silently to their cars.

She was still scared, but she acknowledged him by turning to face him.

“I’m sorry for putting you in a spot. I don’t want to stress you out.”

She shook her head. “You’re not.” 

He let out a small laugh. “Tessa Virtue, you forget that I know you like the back of my hand,” he spoke fondly. He closed the distance between them.

“I’m sorry for putting these frown lines on your forehead too,” he said, touching the space between her brows fleetingly. 

It was her turn to chuckle. “Well, it might be you or it might be my age catching up to me.”

“Naw. That’s impossible,” he joked. “And I’m sorry for this downturn of your lips.” The tips of his fingers grazed the corner of her lips.

The simple touch from him sped up her heart, as per usual. “Scott,” she murmured.

“I miss you, T,” he whispered. His eyes were on her collarbone. She could feel the sadness seeping in her heart.

“I miss you too, Scott.” She gave way to temptation and ran her fingers through his hair.

He wrapped his arms around her, resting his chin at the crook of her neck. “I don’t want to fight with you, sweetie.” 

She placed her palm against his heart. She didn’t realize she has missed his scent. Unconsciously, she snuggled her face against his chest. “I don’t want to fight with you too.”

“I haven’t been very fair to you. I’ve been asking but never giving. I’ll wait for you, like you had waited for me. I won’t be an asshole about you dating Jacob anymore. It’s the least I could do for you, kiddo.”

She felt her tears spilling on his jacket.

“Shh, don’t cry, baby. I’m sorry it took me so long to get to this point. I’m sorry I made you wait. I just want to give you the better version of me, or what I hope an improvement from my old self. I just want to make you happy, T. I will always want you to be happy.” 

“You do make me happy, Scott.”

“But it was not enough?”

She contemplated her answer. “I yearn more.”

He pulled away from her gently before cupping her face. Warm molten hazel staring straight at her. “I want to be the one to give you more, kiddo. Only if you let me.”

“I broke up with Jacob,” she blurted.

She could see the changes in his eyes. Was it hope? “I don’t want to rush you,” he worded, finally, after a long pause.

She nodded and looked down at her boots. She felt a soft kiss on her forehead.

“We’ll figure it out, kiddo,” he whispered. “We always do.”

 

* * *

 

The days on tour were exhilarating. Now that both their feelings were out in the open, it was as if no holds barred to expressing them.

It was the smallest things.

_I can’t wait to perform with you again tonight, kiddo. Finally, dream come true eh? Thank you for being in this journey with me. Love, Scott._

She stared at the text message and saved it to be stared at more later. A bashful smile on her face, she stepped out of her bunk bed that morning with a jump in her steps. Abbotsford, here we come! 

In Grande Prairie, Scott has started sneezing right after the meet and greet.

“Oh, Scott,” she fretted, zipping his jacket up to his chin. His eyes were watery and he was burning up. “Let’s hurry back to the bus,” she said, pulling his hand along. 

He gave a gentle tug on their hands, where he wove their fingers together and brought them to his chest. She blushed at the gesture, before smiling a little.

In the bus, Tessa tucked his merch jacket around him before reclining his seat. They had 3 nights off before the next show, so they were putting up a night in a proper hotel. Patrick was flying back to see his fiancé, Kaetlyn’s boyfriend was flying in to visit while the rest were just going to spend some time sightseeing, maybe a trip to Tumbler Ridge to see its majestic waterfall.

“I’m going to come by later with some Bendaryl and Tylenol. Leave the door unlocked?” Tessa said, helping him to peel off his jacket. He nodded as he sat down on the bed, slightly disoriented.

“Scott, can you wake up for a bit?” her soothing voice came later, and Scott blinked his drowsiness away. She had changed into a pair of sweats and a long-sleeve t-shirt, hair in a low ponytail. “Let’s get these two pills into your system then you can rest,” she said.

He took the glass and the pills handed to him and swallowed them in one go.

“Do you need anything else?”

He shook his head.

“Okay, you can lie down back. I’ll come check on you in a couple of hours, okay?” she said, running a hand through his hair.

He caught the hand and again pulled it to his chest. “Stay?”

She really shouldn’t. After all, it had been ages since they had fallen asleep in the same bed together. His bottom lip unconsciously sticking out, she didn’t have the heart nor the willpower to turn him down.

“Okay.”

He recovered just in time before the show in Prince George and Dawson Creek. The night they shared a bed together was never brought up. But they found it increasingly harder to sleep alone in their bunk once they returned to the sleeper bus. Most nights, Tessa would wander to the couch in the living area with a book. Scott would follow a few minutes later. In the morning, they would wake up in each other’s arms to the smell of Elvis’ coffee.

Elvis, being the cool father figure that he was, simply raised his mug in the direction of the coffee machine. “Yours, if you hurry.”

The stretch in between Lethbridge and Brandon was taxing. Putting up a show every night while having to travel non-stop for seven to eight hours on the road were getting to them. Everyone was looking forward to the three-day gap before the show in Sault Ste Marie. 

Somebody recommended a bar downtown and the whole gang agreed for supper. They were catching a flight to Toronto the next day for a few days at home, before regrouping in Sault Ste. Marie on the 24th.

“I’m gonna grab another beer. Anybody wants anything else?” Scott asked, pushing his chair backward. He shot a look at Tessa, who smiled and shook her head.

She sent him off with her eyes and noticed the spring in his steps. The tour had been a success so far, selling out at almost all venues. They were back to their old dynamics pre Olympics, and the fans were eating it up. It was effortless, she realized, and it was scaring her a little. 

She was used to wanting him for a long time but not having him, and now, when there was a possibility that she could have him, all of him, it scared the ever-loving shit out of her. Was it even real, this thing that they had? Or was it still something they cooked up on ice, now they were back on tour?

She excused herself, with the purpose of hightailing it to the washroom. She was overcome with emotion of possibly losing him again. She tried to escape inconspicuously, trying hard to avoid running into Scott. 

But she was stopped in her tracks at the conversation that hit her eardrums.

_“I’m flattered, really, but I am not available.”_

_“I thought you guys are not dating.”_

_“Doesn’t make me available though.”_

_“Oh, come on. One night of fun in a faraway town?”_

_“Nah. I have a lifetime of happiness waiting for me so I think I’m good. You are very beautiful though. I’m sorry I’m just not that guy.”_

She made a split-second decision.

“Hey,” she greeted, sliding an arm around his defined torso. She could feel his surprise. But nevertheless, he circled her in his arms, pulling her closer to his chest. “Hey, babe,” he murmured back, eyes equally wondering yet amazed. 

“Got what you need?” 

He gave her a serene smile and nodded. “Everything I need and more,” he confirmed.

“Good,” she replied, before standing on her tiptoes and kissing him softly on the lips.

 

* * *

 

February 20th, 2020.

“T?”

Tessa blinked her eyes open. The sun was filtering through the windows. Scott’s face was hovering over her, his fingers in her hair.

“I gotta go. I don’t need to face the wrath of the Virtue women,” he said, smiling a lopsided smile. 

Tessa gave him the eye but failing to have the required effect due to Scott being distracted by her topless torso. “You will soon be subjected to the wrath of a Virtue woman for a lifetime if you’re not careful.”

He gave her a cheesy grin before bending down to give her a kiss. “I shall do my duty and take one for Canada.” Their kiss deepened, with his hands wandering over her breasts and back. He could feel his groin tightening and pulled away. “Baby. I love you so much but I really need to go,” he mumbled in between kisses.

“Fine. Leave me,” she replied, pouting.

“That’s not fair,” he frowned. They could hear footsteps shuffling up the stairs. He panicked a little. “Shit.”

“Well, you can’t exactly jump down the roof, Scott. You’re not 16 anymore,” she reminded, pulling her blanket up to cover her chest.

“Thanks, Virtue. A man needs a constant reminder of his age,” he replied dryly, eyeing the door. A knock came, and he froze.

She climbed up to her knees and wrapped her arms around his neck, effectively rubbing her breasts against his back. “Well, I’m glad you’re not 16 anymore because the things you did to me last night was definitely not underage material,” she whispered salaciously.

He groaned. “Tessa Jane McCormick Virtue,” he admonished. He thought about grannies in neon green bikinis and Chiddy swimming in a Borat mankini to tame his erection. 

“Tess? Time to wake up!” Jordan hollered from beyond the door.

Resolved to his fate, Scott threw a dirty look at Tessa, who was busy putting on a t-shirt. He stood up to open the bedroom door. “Uh, hi, Jordan. It’s a nice morning, isn’t it?”

Jordan’s eyes widened. “Scott Patrick Moir, what the hell are you doing here?”

“Uh, delivery?”

He could hear Tessa bursting out laughing.

“Was that supposed to be a dirty joke?” Jordan demanded.

“No!” He glared at the woman who was rolling on the bed, laughing at his expense.

Hands on her hips, Jordan gave Scott at good reprimanding look. “Do you want me to tell Alma?”

His own eyes widened. Fuck, not his mother! He wouldn’t hear the end of it. He shook his head with a pleading look.

“You guys are the worst. For Christ’ sakes, It was only for 24 hours,” Jordan scolded again. Scott could feel that she was really restraining herself from pulling his ear.

“Okay, okay. I’m gone,” he muttered, taking the stairs two at a time. He could still hear Tessa’s distinct laughter and her ‘see you later, baby!’ before closing the front door.

 

* * *

 

Tessa felt surprisingly calm. There she was, in a gorgeous gown, if she could say so herself, waiting patiently for Jim to come for her.

It was a tough decision. She did consider letting Kevin do the job, but after an intense and teary discussion with Scott, they had both agreed to let Jim take the responsibility.

Her relationship with her father might not be at its best, but she was learning forgiveness and she marveled at the effects it had on her current life. “Baby,” her man had said. “We need to start our new beginnings with a clean slate. I respect whatever decision you end up making, but I don’t want you to be burdened with thoughts of regrets in later years.”

“You ready, sweetie?”

She looked up to see her father in his Sunday best, a white rose tucked in his pocket. She gave him a smile and nodded her head, before offering her hand to him. 

The walk might as well have been the most meaningful walk in her life. Both of their families seated in rows, dressed in the colors meant to celebrate their lives together. She could see Joe and Alma in the front row, joined by her own mother. Her brothers and in-laws together with her future in-laws sat together within the same side. It was the life that they had and they planned on having, both families intertwined together, like how it was for the past 23 years. 

She looked up and saw Jordan dressed in a Tiffany blue dress, holding a bouquet of turquoise peonies, smiling proudly. Danny stood on the other side, wearing a three-piece suit, looking dapper and cheeky at the same time. He flashed her a toothy grin and a thumbs up sign. She laughed while she kept on marching on. 

Then her eyes fell on the love of her life, looking ridiculously handsome, a tearful smile on his face. She brought a hand to her chest, touched by his reaction. She placed her fingers to her lips before blowing him a kiss. His face spontaneously lit up, as he reached out to catch her kiss and planted it on his own heart. The church awed and oohed, and she imagined they had done a good job melting the attendees into a puddle of goo with their antics.

She reached the altar and departed from her father with two kisses on her cheeks, marking the end of her journey as a single woman. Her hand landed in her fiancé’s, and she realized it was the final journey she had to walk without Scott Moir by her side. As she stared deeply into his beautiful hazel eyes, exchanging vows as sacred as time, she knew that it was the beginning of the rest of their lives.

 

TV X SM

 

FIN

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> 10K in one sitting!


End file.
